I just want it to end

I just want it to end. The hopelessness, the fear, the constant critic in my head: I've lived with them all for too long. All I've ever known is this war, this endless battle. There's nothing wrong with wanting it to end. To wish that it didn't is cruel. But why can't the best solution be the simplest? Why do I have to keep fighting? At times it's deafening, and I'm so exhausted. Why can't I just lay down in no man's land and let this battle fall silent around me? Why can't that be the end? Because... I'll never know what's possible.