Weight Gain & Weight Loss

One of the most disappointing side effects I have experienced from psyche meds is weight gain.  For most of my life I have never had a problem with my weight. If I gained a few pounds from eating too much over the Christmas holiday I could easily lose it over the month of January by simply eating sensibly.  Not anymore!

I clearly remember the day I was warned. My first psychiatrist asked me if I minded gaining weight.  I foolishly said no.  I had no idea of the power of the meds he was prescribing.  Over the next years I went from the low end of a normal BMI to obese.

I  have tried many different strategies. I ride my indoor bike as much as I can.  It has a significant impact on my mental health.  Unfortunately, it has done nothing for my weight.  I really wish it was a panacea some claim it to be.

My wife has had success in her weigh loss adventure by using Ozempic.  I thought this could be an option for me as well but the side effects include depression and suicidal ideation. It is highly recommended that based on my own depression, SI and previous attempts that I avoid  taking these types of medication.  

So it is back to willpower and schemes. These days I am just trying to eliminate the tweens: snacks consumed in between meals and after dinner.  I will let you know how it goes.
 

When are they more than little white lies

My mind is a whirlwind these days.  My father-in-law  has come to live with us.  We get along really well but his Alzheimer's makes it challenging. I have to be careful of what I do and say. 

To keep him happy and calm we tell him lies. Not all the time but frequently. He is reassured by the context but in many ways he is living outside his current life.

Perhaps it is for the best, living his happiest life in the moment, but I can't help thinking, "When do "little white lies" turn into Gaslighting?"

Suicide is not the choice of a healthy mind

Suicide is not the choice of a healthy mind It is the final thought of a cascading disease, that continually buries all logic and reason The flow is unending until it finally runs dry. and you can embrace the relief  you so desperately deserve.

to be remarkable

"Nothing is so common as the wish to be remarkable" Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr I am not alone which makes it all the more lonely

I'm not enough

 

I hear the sighs

and feel their frustration

I always fall short

I'm not enough.

 

From the archives

 Going through some old journals I came across the following gems:

quem di diligunt advlescens moritur

He whom the gods love dies young.

Let the dream of me fade and my image vanish at the opening of an eye 

The opposite of depression

 

The opposite of depression is expression.

I read this quote on a TikTok post and was immediately inspired. I agree full heartedly. The most effective way for me to manage my depression is to create something. This can mean I paint a picture, draw a maze, create a TikTok, write a poem, read a book (and compose a world within my mind guided by another's words) or post to this blog (which I have been absent from of late).

The challenge is to start. Depression is devious and will try to discourage any activities beyond itself. It will offer up excuses such as writers block or lack of inspiration. It will say I am not qualified, or I don't have the time or space or motivation to properly explore a subject. It will tell me I really don't want to bother, that I would do better to doom scroll until my phone tells me to enter the password. I have never actually looked into what the time threshold is but whatever the case I surpass it everyday.

The other argument that depression makes is the lack of audience. If no one is there to appreciate my efforts then what's the point. I am writing letters into babbling brook. I would be lying if I didn't admit I would love to have more followers, to actually share my words and thoughts but that doesn't take away from the fact that creating in and of itself eases my depression. It brings its own satisfaction and lifts the weight. The focus is on expression, being in the moment and forgetting the hopelessness of the future.