I miss you.

  

I miss you. I mourn my loss. I wish I could cry to release my sorrow. I wish I had tears  to express my grief. I feel so very much alone.

Listen to music

 

Listen to music purposefully not as background noise Listen to each note Shut your eyes and lose yourself in the melody and slip away from depression if only for a moment.

Triggered

The other day I was triggered. In an instant my mind was reeling My purpose was reduced to a single thought. There was no other option. In the moment the best strategy  was to write it down, to take deep breaths and write it down. The first draft was terrible But it gave me the pause I needed  and with each rewrite I stepped further back. until I had gained enough space to stay safe.

Thank you

 

You don't know it now but your future self  will thank you. Stay safe

It's a curse

It's a curse to be inspired to write words that no one will ever read.

Until I could take no more

For most of my life I have protected people from my depression I did everything I could to hide my struggle. but it doubled my burden crushing the load until I could take no more and so one morning I woke up and summoned my courage and reached out for help. Stay safe

How to manage a brain that wants to kill you

I just finished reading Joe Tracini's book Ten Things I Hate About Me - How to stay alive with a brain that's trying to kill you. I was captivated by the title, hoping I could relate. The book is entertaining with humour throughout, even though it covers the very serious topics of childhood trauma and substance abuse.

I have none of these challenges, yet my brain is still trying to kill me.  The book has prompted me to try and explain some of the ways I deal with my own chronic SI.  So far I have posted a few TikToks and depending on how the content is receive I will continue there or here in Poppysmata. Perhaps combined with my what to expect articles, I might be able to have enough material to write a book similar to Mr Tracini's. I could modify his title to How to manage a brain that wants to kill you.

  

Most popular TikTok

This is my most popular TikTok to date. 1080 views. 57 likes.  

(I typically get around 200 views and 5 likes)

CLICK HERE

@edwardcorwin26 Depression as a disease#mentalhealth #mensmentalhealth #depression ♬ original sound - Corwin

Tik Tok

It has been awhile since I have posted. The words are not playing in my head like they used to. 

Lately I have been messing around in Tik Tok. I have purposely done minimal editing and reshooting.  I know I could become highly critical and make each video a source of anxiety so they are not polished at all.  They are what they are: videos I made within 15 minutes.  I like that each one generally gets around 300 views with about 4 or 5 hearts.  Overall I find it mildly amusing but not entirely fulfilling. 

I need to get back to writing. I just don't know how.