What can I say?

What can I say? What can I possibly say That will make any sense? I am living a lie, tapping words into my phone that are selfish and cruel, all the while smiling and being polite. You have all been so kind. I wish you could understand how much you've meant to me. I love you all that is why I feel physically ill thinking about the pain I'll cause. Right in the pit of my stomach I'm crushed. I see my family soar, their confidence spellbinding I love them all so deeply. Why am I doing this? Why am I being so hurtful? Why am I sending them hurling off course? I can't explain. It just is. I am sorry. I am truly sorry.