Clever at best

When I was young I used to find the world magical and fascinating and was ever eager to learn and take part.  I remember how excited I was when I took grade 9 electricity. I was looking forward to learning the mystery.  Then we studied how a basic doorbell works and even wired one ourselves. And somewhere between the electromagnet, the battery and the bell, it happened: my hope collapsed.
The world was not fantastic afterall. It was clever at best.

As I grew older this measure was proven over and over again.

I had fantastic hope when I reached out for help. I was certain that medicine and therapy would prove an elixir of happiness, and that life, at least my life would finally feel magical. It turns out though, its just trial and error at being clever. The same as everything else.

I am tired of trying to be clever.