David Michael Gourlay

It has almost been a year since you passed and a day never goes by when I don't think about you. So many happy memories. You were my best friend and always will be.  

Link to Michael's obituary

It never happened

 

I can't remember like I used to

There are gaps and spaces

that are completely lost.

It's not like I've forgotten

but rather it never happened. 

 

A horizon that keeps retreating

 

I am stuck in hopelessness,

overwhelmed at the distance.

I'm supposed to just look at each step

one at a time 

but I can't help but be discouraged.

It is all too far,

without guarantees.

What if it is a mirage,

a horizon that keeps receding,

unattainable

forever.

Why do I want to put myself through that?

Why not cut the journey short, 

where I realize the destination

I've always been travelling towards;

where I can achieve the reward

right now,

and be content with who I'm destined to be.

 

Creativity

 

The best way for me to manage my depression is to be creative.  Doing activities just to distract myself are not effective. I still feel hopeless. The Critic knows it's a gimmick and won't be fooled.  But I find that if I commit myself to a creative activity whether it be writing a poem or drawing a maze, making a TikTok or baking cookies, the dark thoughts fade, the judgement settles as my mind embraces its artistic expression.    

Christmas is full of memories

 

My best friend passed away this year.

Christmas was his favourite holiday.

His apartment was decorated year round. 

It was always cozy and comfortable.

We would meet up every Christmas to look at the lights downtown 

and do some shopping.

Christmas is full of memories.

I miss him. 

Christmas Ornaments

 

Each ornament on our Christmas tree

is a moment,

a memory,

a story.

Together on the tree

they are Christmas.

What a gift to relive each one

each year.

 

Reading

 

I love looking at pictures of people reading.  They are sitting in a physical space while their imagination creates another realm.  Their senses ignore their surroundings and instead feast on carefully chosen words.  They are inspired and entertained. They are frightened and enamoured.  You have no idea where their thoughts rest. They are gods.